Psychotherapy for gay, bisexual and queer men
Sexuality is only one part of who we are, but our experiences of it can become deeply entwined with how we understand ourselves, our relationships and our place in the world.
Sexuality and psychotherapy
Being gay, bisexual or queer is not in itself a reason to seek psychotherapy. Yet our experiences of sexuality develop within families, relationships and a wider social world, and these experiences can become deeply entwined with how we come to understand ourselves.
For some men, sexuality may be connected with experiences of difference, shame, self-esteem, relationships, intimacy or belonging. For others, it may sit quietly in the background while they seek psychotherapy for difficulties that have little or nothing directly to do with being gay, bisexual or queer.
I offer a space in which sexuality can be thought about when it matters, without assuming that it explains everything.
Experiences we might explore
There is no single experience of being gay, bisexual or queer. These are some of the areas that may become meaningful within psychotherapy, depending on what brings you and what emerges in the work.
Identity and self
Sexuality can become intertwined with how we experience ourselves and our sense of belonging. Therapy can offer space to explore identity, self-esteem, shame and the ways we have learned to see ourselves through the eyes of others.
Relationships and intimacy
Relationships can bring questions of closeness, vulnerability, sex and rejection into focus. Psychotherapy can help us become curious about recurring patterns and what may make intimacy difficult or painful.
Internalised homophobia
Negative attitudes towards homosexuality can sometimes become absorbed into our sense of self. This may be experienced through shame, harsh self-criticism, concealment or difficulties accepting parts of ourselves.
Internalised homophobia and the self
Internalised homophobia describes how negative attitudes, beliefs and messages about homosexuality can affect how we come to feel about ourselves. This does not necessarily mean consciously feeling negatively about being gay, bisexual or queer. Its effects can be much more subtle.
It may be experienced as shame, a harshly critical relationship with oneself, feelings of inadequacy, difficulties with intimacy, or a sense that certain parts of the self need to be hidden. These experiences can persist even when someone feels consciously accepting of being gay or bisexual.
My clinical and research work in this area has explored how internalised homophobia can become entwined with emotional distress and the ways gay, bisexual and queer men come to experience themselves. In psychotherapy, there is an opportunity to become curious about these experiences and the meanings they have acquired, rather than assuming they can be understood in isolation from the rest of a person's life.
More than sexuality
Being gay, bisexual or queer does not mean that sexuality needs to be at the centre of psychotherapy.
You may be seeking psychotherapy because of anxiety, low mood, loss, difficulties in relationships, experiences from the past, questions about who you are, or simply a sense that something in your life does not feel as you would like it to.
My specialist experience means that sexuality can be understood as part of the wider picture when it is relevant, without assuming that it is the explanation for everything.
Considering psychotherapy?
If you are thinking about psychotherapy and would like to explore whether working together might be right for you, you are welcome to get in touch.